SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 17, 2019 Edition

Read more on this subject: Humor
Opinion Column by John Semmens
Admitted Thief Throws Hat in Race for Dem Presidential Nomination

This week, Robert "Beto" O'Rourke, the Kennedyesque former Texas Democrat Representative and failed Senate candidate, changed course and declared he will run for his Party's nomination in the 2020 presidential election. O'Rourke got his start on the path to politics in his teens as a member of the Cult of the Dead Cow (CDC) during the 1980s.

The CDC financed its activities by pirating software, pilfering long-distance phone service and credit card fraud. The CDC's web site contained a warning saying: "This site may contain explicit descriptions of or advocate one or more of the following: adultery, murder, morbid violence, bad grammar, deviant sexual conduct in violent contexts, or the consumption of alcohol and illegal drugs."

O'Rourke used the pilfered services to post what he called "imaginative fiction" using the pen name "Psychedelic Warlord." One
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