SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 3, 2021 Edition

Read more on this subject: Humor
Opinion Column by John Semmens
De Blasio Celebrates New Year "On Behalf of Those Who Can't"

After issuing a decree banning commoners from celebrating in Times Square on New Year's eve, Democrat Mayor Bill De Blasio and his wife took advantage of the vacated space to "dance and celebrate on behalf of those who can't."

"Normally, it would have been unsafe for us to have done this," the Mayor explained. "Between the press of a dense crowd of potentially diseased COVID carriers and the risk that hotheads who find fault with the repressions necessary to contain the pandemic might accost us, Chirlane and I could never have dared to make an appearance. But with police on hand to block unauthorized entry to Times Square we felt safe enough to stand in for all those who normally ring in the new year here."

Videos of the Mayor and his wife dancing where others could not sparked what the Mayor called "unwarranted outrage. For most of human history the masses hav
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