SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 23, 2019 Edition

Read more on this subject: Humor
Opinion Column by John Semmens
Bloomberg Calls Current Election Rules "Inefficient"

Democratic presidential contender and former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg lamented that "the $400 million I've had to spend on my campaign shows how inefficient the process is. Not only am I out a huge chunk of change, but TV viewers across America are having their homes flooded with my ads. There has to be a better way."

What a better way might look like, according to Bloomberg, is "like we do it in the business world. When a man with resources sees a company being run ineffectively he buys the owners out. Both sides benefit. The incompetent owners get paid and a better management is installed. Look, the other candidates running for the Democratic presidential nomination have no realistic hope of winning. The sensible option for them would be to agree to drop out in exchange for a generous payment from me. Today, I'm announcing that whoever drops out first will be gifted—so it&#3
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