Most women really haven’t a CLUE just how powerful the male sex drive truly is, and worse, they really don’t WANT to know
In sex, there is no man (or woman) more enslaved than those who cannot perceive their chains.
by Rich Loomis
A comment by Jennifer (final comment re The Absurdity of the Male Sex Drive) deserves a comment in return. She opines:
“Please men stop beating your chests that you have such huge sex drives! It is all falsely induced via the drug of porn–get over yourself.”
If this sort of perception about the male sex drive was merely an ignorant one-off by Jennifer herself, it could be ignored as undeserving of attention or correction.
However, speaking from long personal experience and via deep conversations with a large variety of women over the years, I have observed a tremendous female blind spot on this vital matter that significantly contributes to the so-called “battle of the sexes.”
The fact is, most women really haven’t a CLUE just how powerful the male sex drive truly is, and worse, they really don’t WANT to know. Why? Probably due to a mixture of several compelling reasons that few women understand (or would admit) about themselves.
First and foremost: they are consciously or unconsciously afraid that acknowledging the reality of a hard-wired sex drive difference would tend to “validate” the incontestable historical/biological pattern of male philandering and infidelity. They abhor the thought of granting any credence whatsover to the old (and at least somewhat true) excuse: “Honey, really, I do love you . . I just couldn’t help myself!”
Ladies, how many of you have attempted — time and again — to quit smoking? When you fail, does that make you morally inferior to your non-smoking spouse or next-door neighbor?
Can’t you “control” your urges? How about that foul breath and nasty mouth-taste you impart with each kiss to loved ones? Have you no shame, are you no more than a mere animal with no care for how your habit impacts your marriage, your finances, your health, the attendent fire danger, and so on?
Or maybe you’re not a smoker, but how about all those extra pounds that you simply “can’t” seem to get rid of? One trendy diet after another, New Year’s promises galore, yet right there in the bathroom mirror you see just how “helpless” you apparently are to your hunger urges, yes? Doesn’t matter that hubby has lost significant interest in the bedroom, or that you are afraid to go to the beach or to that upcoming high school reunion . . what, you’re going to use the “excuse” that you just can’t help yourself?
Ok, point made. Whether hard-wired from birth, or whether re-wired chemically by repeated misuse of a substance or of a particular “voluntary” mode of rich sensory input, those without similar structural/habitual alterations to body chemistry and desire most often have little patience or understanding with regard to just how damnably addictive and powerful such forces can be.
Moreover, women in particular are again, consciously or unconsciously loathe to give up even the tiniest mote of their natural advantage, or even to acknowledge that such advantage exists. They are the “cool” heads, the evaluators, the ones with relatively LITTLE sex drive — until triggered by certain vital circumstances that suggest to the primal female brain that mating would be both safe and advantageous. (Yes, there are exceptions, some women with an almost pathological desire for sex, and some “normal” men who have little inclination to stray or even look at an attractive neighbor. But this discussion is with regard to the “norms” within reason.)
Women then, can be said to be much like female birds, carefully observing the colorful males strutting and boasting, chirping their love songs and otherwise advertising their intense desire to mate. The males would — if only they could — immediately and always “jump” any available female but nature has seen to it that both sexes do NOT have similar drives, else the vital selection/survival of the “fittest” aspect would be lost and the progeny would deteriorate to the point of extinction.
Likewise with human females: if they did in fact have ANYTHING even remotely resembling the male drive I can tell you what would be the norm in this world — nothing whatsoever would get done, we’d all be screwing our heads off nearly all the time, behind every bush or in every restroom stall and guess what? Who, exactly, would be there afterwards to look after the resultant infants and young children?
Without an unperturbed “cool head” ability to “note” their own sex drive but NOT be compelled by it, the protection of family would collapse. Like the female bird, a woman closely observes the courtship rituals, the flowers, the gifts, the confident pose and swagger, the demonstrated ability to “provide” via flashy display of car, clothes, nest-ready house in the suburbs, etc, such that in sum the female brain concludes that indeed, the male in question probably IS under sufficient influence of “love” (i.e. addictive hormones) that he is likely to hang around at least until the typical “seven year itch” which generally is enough to insure the survival of the child or children past the initial critical period of human development.
THE ESSENTIALLY FRAUDULENT ASPECT OF THE SEX DRIVE
There is another major subset to the mating equation, however, that tends to conspire against mutual understanding. And this is the reluctance of either males or females to perceive and acknowledge the essentially fraudulent and manipulative biological aspect of the sex drive.
We have been socialized and imprinted as being either male or female, with attendent expectations and behavior patterns that resist alteration or even true self awareness. A useful example derives from some chemical experimentation that was conducted, whereby a few women were given large doses of male testosterone. One of the many observed changes was an almost total reversal of the stereotypical “gushing and gooing” over babies — the medicated women behaved with almost the same bemused detachment and “polite” semi-interest as most men.
Indeed, the matter of identity and “who we are” is not often probed in much depth, for it can be very troubling to consider how extensively the question of who we THINK we are is often a matter of hormonal balances, brain chemistry, etc. Most men, for example, are not only oblivious to nature’s manipulations, they positively revel in their chemical chains, boasting of how frequently they “need it” or do it or how powerfully attracted they are to breasts, or buttocks, or to a certain configuration of feminine charms.
Likewise women regard their goo-gooing over babies as “natural” and almost revel in their readiness and willingness to endure the agonies of childbirth — from which any “sane” human being might otherwise run in horror!
In essence, both sexes are in fact chemically programmed to “think” and act in a manner most likely to promote the survival of the species — end of story!
Once in a while a particular man or woman becomes aware of certain aspects or even disadvantages of such programming, but such awareness tends to strike at the root of what we each call our “identity.”
One can be verbally, or even physically attacked, by suggesting too openly or persuasively that much of who we are is a charade and bondage on behalf of nature, and not the “sexual freedom” we imagine for ourselves.
Thus it is troubling for women to acknowledge a man’s chemical drive as such, for it would subliminally challenge their OWN identity and role as a “woman” to admit of such influences or bio-chemical mandates.
Much easier to merely label men as brutish “animals” with no moral compass, than to examine the entire human equation, and woman’s own manipulated function therein.
Fortunately, there are also higher influences, higher questions, and loftier motivations than those programmed via brain chemistry. Spiritual principles and practices, platonic or agape love that is not dependent upon either male or female sexual union, along with moral guidances, the Golden Rule, etc, offer us all a “rock” of freedom and stability that can rescue from the ebb and flow of hormones, sexual opportunity or the lack thereof, IF we seek such deliverance or are even aware of the need for such deliverance.
Those still in the thrall of the senses and depravity of various depths and divergences may not only resent the idea that their lusts are not their “own” but are typically unwilling to grant the same to others. We have all seen the hatred directed at those whose brain chemistry and hard-wiring was distorted by a mistake of nature — boys who preferred playing with dolls, and later became captive to the hormones directing them towards males instead of females.
Bottom line: ladies, if you don’t have a clue about the burden men endure for their sexual identity so-called, GET a clue. Men, if you don’t have a clue about the burden women endure for their sexual identity so-called, and for their rigors of childbirth, selecting a mate and nest on their future children’s behalf, GET a clue.
Perhaps no excuses for unsuitable sexual behavior . . but oftimes REASONS that true understanding and compassion can mitigate or heal, for sake of the union and family.